Almost Lost You
by SarielStormbreaker
Summary: What if Nora couldn't handle watching Patch from afar anymore? 'this is my first ever story guys' hope you like it...


**I'm really sorry if this isn't very related, its just something I picked up while reading the first few chapters of Crescendo, I got an inspiration from a song and changed a few words on it. I also made a little creation on Patch. If you don't like it, I really apologize….**

**This is my first 'fanfiction', I may be a little rusty with my stories…**

**I hope you enjoy!.. =)**

**Hush Hush isn't mine or any character they are all owned by Becca Fitzpatrick….hope you'll like it...**

I felt numb, days would move on to weeks and pass to months. I couldn't take this any longer, I know I didn't mean to say all those things to him, but it was something I was willing to give up for the sake of having him stay, for my sake to be able to see him, even if it hurts me.

I could no longer handle this, the pain that felt like a thousand needles piercing through my heart.

Marcie's voice was ringing in my head; "Patch told me he broke up with you because you weren't enough of a _slut"_

Those words hurt, and it made me more vulnerable, it broke my heart more, as I felt its crack growing bigger, going deeper.

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes, but instead of being calm, it made me more agitated, he was the one I saw when I closed my eyes, I remember every memory I had of how we met, how we kissed, and it was hurting me.

As I sat there against my headboard, eyes closed, as I felt silent tears fall. I took another deep rugged breath and opened my eyes, wiped my tears away, I stood up and went to my closet, and sat on the floor, looking at its contents. I reached my hand in and grab hold of a dusty old box; I placed it on my lap and just stared at it for awhile. 'I can't believe I'm actually doing this' I said to myself a dozen times that this would be worth it, if it meant to have him back in my life, I wanted to do everything, anything I could to have him back.

But my time was up now; I didn't want to be a part of this world anymore, as I opened the box and found my old organ, I wanted to write a song, one last song just to let out all the hurt I had.

I got up and placed the organ in front of me as I sat at my bed; I took out a blank music sheet and pencil.

My world stopped right then and there; when I heard the first sound as I run my fingers across the keys, letting them dance on its own, as a beautiful melody took placed. I wrote lyrics down and tried to sync then with melodies.

I finished the song within an hour and found myself in tears; as memories of my dark angel flowed through me as I started to sing my song.

_I miss those black eyes_  
><em>how you kissed me at night<em>  
><em>i miss the way we kiss<em>  
><em>like there's no sunrise<em>  
><em>the taste of your smile<em>  
><em>i miss the way we breathe<em>

_but i never told you_  
><em>what i should have said<em>  
><em>no i never told you<em>  
><em>i just held it in<em>  
><em>and now i miss everything<em>  
><em>about you<em>  
><em>i cant believe i still want you<em>  
><em>after all the things we've<em>  
><em>been through<em>  
><em>i miss everything about you<em>  
><em>without you<em>

_i see your dark eyes_  
><em>every time i close mine<em>  
><em>you make it hard to see<em>  
><em>where i belong to when im not<em>  
><em>around you<em>  
><em>its like im gone with me<em>

_but i never told you_  
><em>what i should have said<em>  
><em>no i never told you<em>  
><em>i just held it in<em>  
><em>and now i miss everything<em>  
><em>about you<em>  
><em>i cant believe i still want<em>  
><em>you<em>  
><em>after all the things we've<em>  
><em>been through<em>  
><em>i miss everything about you<em>  
><em>without you<em>

_but i never told you_  
><em>what i should have said<em>  
><em>no i never told you<em>  
><em>i just held it in<em>  
><em>and now i miss everything<em>  
><em>about you<em>  
><em>(still you're gone)<em>  
><em>cant believe that i still want<em>  
><em>you<em>  
><em>after all the things we've<em>  
><em>been through<em>  
><em>i miss everything about you<em>  
><em>without you…<em>

It was true, I never did say much about how I felt; because if I did, the archangels were going to really take him to hell. I didn't want that, he had a future with Marcie, they were alike, I realized now that, I was the black sheep in their lives; I was the cause of every disaster.

I did miss him, my heart ached when I think of him, I was miserable without him, he was my everything, and I was his mistake.

I took my notepad from my desk and sat at my study table; my mind was set, I wasn't turning back, as I took my pen and wrote my goodbye.

_As much as it kills me to see you with her, I pray that you will be happier with her._

_Life for me; it makes me feel that I am not meant for this world, all the pain._

_Now I know that your name is a lie, 'Patch' who would have known, you couldn't even patch up the burning holes you dug so deep in my heart._

_But then again; I wouldn't be here because of you, but I'm not thanking you for saving my life anymore. I've said enough of thank you…._

_Cause right now, it hurts so much, that I just wish I could die, and I will. Thanks to you, I finally came to terms with myself and my aching heart. I might see heaven in awhile I hope. _

_Take care of my mom for me, tell her I'm sorry, that I love her._

_Its not your fault, it never was, I just didn't want to blame myself. But the truth is, everything is my own fault, for not listening to you. I thought it wasn't fair, thought you didn't love me back. But then I remembered what you said; about going to hell if you fell again._

_So I said and took it all in, I told myself that loving you was a waste of time, that it was just a game of lies and fun for you, and pain for me, if you couldn't feel what I feel, love me like I do you, then its useless._

_Thought that I'm just heavy weight for you, now that I've been thinking this through, I can say, I never will regret the night I said I love you, because I do. _

_I want to end this life, my life, and carry with me the sweetest memories as I die, the memories of you. Good bye, love. _

_My angel that fell, my angel that became my guardian, how much I love you, it is irrevocable, inexhaustible, and yet, so much trouble. _

_I love you 'Patch, and I don't regret it. _

_I'm sorry.._

I tore the paper and folded it, sealed it in an envelope and wrote his name at the back. I was not regretting this, I'm moving on, people already think I'm psychotic; it was no hard to prove my craziness to them. I placed the letter in my messenger bag and a pocket knife I bought the other day, and made my way to the neon. I told Vee that I was visiting my dad's grave and wanted to be alone, which was true, but telling her my intentions would kill her, she was my best friend after all, I didn't want to hurt her.

I made my way to Marcie's house, when I parked outside, I took a deep breath, and gather up my courage to knock at her door.

When the door opened, there stood Marcie in a mini skirt and a spaghetti top.

'what are you doing here?' showing her disdain.

'sorry for the bother' I said as casually as I could. ' I don't see Patch anymore, and well..you do, so I came here for a favor'

She just stared at me curiously, as I handed her the envelop, I didn't care if she read it or not, as long as Patch would read it soon.

I force a smile at her and said ' can you give this to him for me?'

'yeah, whatever..'

'thanks Marcie, I know I've never been that nice of a person to you as you were to me, but I appreciate the spice you give in my life' smiling at her, and said my good bye and left.

She was about to answer back, but I dash out and run towards the car, not looking back and drove off.

When I parked at a corner close to Coldwater Memorial, I turn off the car and just sat there my hands shaking as I held on to the steering wheel.

I took a shaky breath as I stared out into the pouring rain.

I got off the car and made my way into the gates of the cemetery, it was 6 in the evening, and the dark clouds just made it look creepier. But I was determined, my mind was set and I wasn't backing down like the coward I was.

I found my way around the tomb stones and finally reach my destination 30 minutes later, as I sat beside my father's tomb stone, tracing my fingers along his name and started sobbing, 'sorry dad' I whisper silently. I opened my messenger bag and took out the pocket knife and placed the car keys in replacement.

I cried with the skies, and opened the pocket knife, and sliced a large gash at my left wrist, and let the blood drip at my dad's tomb stone as I watch the rain wash it way slowly, I placed the knife at my left hand and cut my right wrist, clutching the knife as I lay beside my dad's grave, I saw a dark shadow from afar, but I didn't care who it was, I just closed my eyes in pain and surrender.

I was hearing beeping sounds, when I opened my eyes, I saw bright light, feeling a little disoriented, this can't be heaven I said to myself, it smelled like medicine, and when I turned my head to my left, I realized I was laying in a hospital bed with machines beside me. When I turned to my right, I saw Vee seated in a couch fast asleep. I turned back to look at my hand and found it bandaged, with an IV host attached to it. I tried to move my other hand and felt it bandaged too, but I was able to move it, so I tried to pull the IV out, pulling at the tape and ignoring all the pain, just when I was about to tag at the host, a hand stopped me.

I looked up to find myself drowning in dark black eyes, and felt tears making its way down my cheeks.

'why am I here?' I said, my voice was hoarse from sleep.

He didn't answer me, he just stared at me with concern written on his face, so I tried again.

'Why am I here, Patch?' I was hyperventilating, and felt my heart beat pick up speed, and the beeping of the monitor beside me got faster.

He suddenly sat beside me and rub my tears away.

'Angel..' he said softly

I just let all the tears run and sob, and he just sat there hushing me and rubbing my tears away.

Vee woke up from my sobbing, but said nothing when she saw Patch at my bed and told him she was coming back tomorrow, and I was left all alone with him.

When my tears run dry, I just stared at him, the room was in complete silence, I placed my hand with his as he caress my cheek, I closed my eyes and moved his hand and gave it a sweet kiss, breathing in his sent. When I opened my eyes, he just stared at me and gave me one of his rare smiles.

'why'd you do it Nora?' he asked softly

I let go of his hand and looked down at mind, feeling another set of tears making their way.

' didn't want to be a bother anymore..' I said, holding back my sobs.

He didn't say anything, so I took it as a sign to continue explaining.

' I thought if I was gone; you'd be happier, you wouldn't have to save me every time I was in trouble,…I thought if I was gone, the..pain would go away, I wouldn't feel it anymore..'

I took a deep breath, and brought up the courage to look at him.

For the first time in my life, I saw my angel cry.

One tear drop, was running down his left cheek, and so, I lifted my hand up, and rubbed it way, returning the favor, but somehow his tear was different, I was hard and cold as ice, as I looked at it and stared at the tear drop form I had in my fingers.

When I looked back up at Patch, he was smiling.

'Not every mortal can see us cry, keep it, it's hard as diamond, and with that, you'll get to remember me.'

'thank you' I said softly, I poured all sincerity I had in my words. Meaning my thanks

'don't do it again Nora, please?'

I just looked at him and gave him a slight smile and shook my head, no I wasn't promising him anything, and I couldn't determine, if I wasn't going to try it again when his gone.

'I'm not promising you anything..' I said, not wanting to lie to him, after all, he could read through my lie.

' when Marcie gave me the letter…' I winced at the name, and he took a deep breath and continued ' I didn't want to read it until I was at home, but she told me you were acting weird when you gave it to her, and said that, if I wasn't opening it now, I was going to regret it later….she was right, cause when I finished reading it I immediately called Vee.

'you weren't moving,…I didn't even know if you ever even breathing Nora!' he was almost shouting at me, as he run his fingers through his hair, his eyes showed a hint of panic.

'When I saw them trying to restart your heart..' he looked at me, straight in the eye and said ' I finally realized the pain I was giving you. I'm sorry..'

I didn't say anything, I just looked at him and cried, I cried myself to sleep that night, and for the first time, I was in the arms of the man I love, My angel.

By the next day, I woke up with Vee sitting beside me.

'hi' I said and smile at her

She just looked at me and started crying and hugged me

'don't you dare do that to me ever again'

'I'm sorry…'

We just sat there in silent

'Vee…can I ask a favor?' I was in mood of another song, I didn't know why, but somehow these days, I was feeling blue.

'yeah, sure, anything for you babe..what'd you want?' she said, rubbing her tears away and gave me a reassuring smile.

'can you get something at home for me…'

2 hours later, Vee was back, and pushing me in a wheel chair, on our way to the hospitals music room.

In five minutes I was left in a dark room, and then suddenly everything came to light, as I saw a grand piano up on stage, and my Cello beside it, with my guitar.

I couldn't help myself, my heart was filled with so many emotions, I just cried, and smiled up at Vee, and wrap my arms around her waist.

'Thank you, you're the best friend ever'

'Don't mention it, it's what friends are for,..now how bout' we get you up there?'

I just nodded my head and she pushed me up the stage, it had a handicap path at the right side, I guess it was for patient convenience, then she left me at the center of the stage in front of the piano, as I run my fingers along its keys and found myself flying way with the melody.

When I opened my eyes, I stopped for awhile, and turned to Vee, beside her was Patch, and I smiled at him, and started to play a song I wrote a few nights after our first fight, I let the music flow, making me soar, as I started to sing softly, as silent tears blurred my vision, making me smile at the memory of my angel.

_On the first page of our story_  
><em>The future seemed so bright<em>  
><em>Then this thing turned out so evil<em>  
><em>I don't know why I'm still surprised<em>  
><em>Even angels have their wicked schemes<em>  
><em>And you take that to new extremes<em>  
><em>But you'll always be my hero<em>  
><em>Even though you've lost your mind<em>

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_  
><em>But that's all right because I like the way it hurts<em>  
><em>Just gonna stand there and hear me cry<em>  
><em>But that's all right because I love the way you lie<em>  
><em>I love the way you lie<em>  
><em>Ohhh, I love the way you lie<em>

_Now there's gravel in our voices_  
><em>Glass is shattered from the fight<em>  
><em>In this tug of war, you'll always win<em>  
><em>Even when I'm right<em>  
><em>'Cause you feed me fables from your hand<em>  
><em>With violent words and empty threats<em>  
><em>And it's sick that all these battles<em>  
><em>Are what keeps me satisfied<em>

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_  
><em>But that's all right because I like the way it hurts<em>  
><em>Just gonna stand there and hear me cry<em>  
><em>But that's all right because I love the way you lie<em>  
><em>I love the way you lie<em>  
><em>Ohhh, I love the way you lie<em>

_So maybe I'm a masochist_  
><em>I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave<em>  
><em>Til the walls are goin' up<em>  
><em>In smoke with all our memories<em>

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_  
><em>But that's all right because I like the way it hurts<em>  
><em>Just gonna stand there and hear me cry<em>  
><em>But that's all right because I love the way you lie<em>  
><em>I love the way you lie<em>  
><em>Ohhh, I love the way you lie…<em>

When the song came to an end, I found Patch beside me, and knelt beside me holding my hand.

'that was beautiful, Angel. Although I must say, it sound sad' he said giving me s slight frown, but force back a smile.

I simply smiled back at him 'because it is sad, I wrote it a few nights after we broke up, wanted you to hear it..'

'that was amazing' Vee said, hearing her voice quivering, as I saw her dry up her tears.

'thanks Vee' I said to her, with all sincerity 'thanks for everything'

'no problem, but might I ask what the guitar is for? You didn't honestly ask me to bring all of this stuff here for just display right?'

I just smiled at her and said

'hand me the guitar, I want you to hear something I wrote the day I met Patch'

Eyeing Patch and smiling at him lovingly, as he got up and handed me the guitar and took a seat next to me and Vee dragging a chair to sit behind him.

I held the guitar in placed and started to test its tune, when I turned a few stings to the sound I wanted, I started strumming and starting at Patch, our eyes locked together.

As he whispered in my head the words I longed to hear since the day I met him, making my heart beat like a drum.

_I love you, Angel.._


End file.
